The feeling of Exhaustion

Maybe I have been overworking myself.

Not literally, but mentally and emotionally. I am constantly asking myself why isn't this person calling or should i try and follow up with that person who never picked up my calls.

i had a scary experience this morning. whether due to fatigue or over-imagination or maybe even eating something wrong before i went to bed, who knows?

I had an amazingly vivid dream about a potential client. a nice Malay man in his late 30s, looking for some personal accident insurance and wanted to inquire more about something for his wife as well. they were eager. really eager to meet up with me and find out my input on their insurance requirements.

i told them that i had a busy day today. i had to rush in to office and settle some administration, i had to cross country to do prospecting today but i knew that nice people like that came very rarely and that an agent should never turn down a business appointment.

i tried to squeeze them in, i tried to find out where they would be and at what time it would be most convenienvt. but just when the details would be ALMOST confirmed, my dream would start getting more hazy, and the final decision would elude me.

try as i might, i couldn't get the story straight, and slowly the picture faded and i couldn't get the whole mess of a situation back, even in memory. i clutched desperately at this dream appointment in my head. so much as to convince myself when i was getting out of bed that it COULDN'T have been a dream because didn't we correspond by SMS? didn't we speak over the phone?

so eyebrows furrowed in confusion i rolled out of bed, started pawing at my phone, at the computer, poring through my messages, my WhatsApp system... WHERE could those messages be?

i'm seriously going crazy.

besides the ridiculous dream appointment, recently it's also paperwork mistakes - missing dates, missing counter signatures, missing ticks in the checkboxes and administration issues like following up on what the status of a policy is and somehow i always end up being unfortunately unproductive.

Why am i so distracted?

well it's way past in the afternoon now, so if my figment of imagination had been real i would have heard from them by now right? i think i will just take the afternoon to really just meditate and pray, that God settles my heart and my mind. and helps me not to focus on all my worries.

going bonkers (?)
Jessica